sit with me, and my imperfections.

The most beautiful part of my job is witnessing the vulnerability, honesty, and raw emotions of what it means to simply be living the life these women have been given. Success in treatment is literally impossible without bringing down the walls, and I'm given the honor and trust to sit in those feelings; the pain, the abuse, the addiction, separation from children, the mental health component, etc. Many of them haven't felt their feelings in years because of their drug.

As I sit in group therapy sessions surrounded by women from all walks of life I am able to watch the way they support each other. I am humbled, and in a way envious of the depth of the relationships they are creating. To be accepted with all of you sitting on the table for them to see. It is truly beautiful.

A part of our program is doing an inventory of your strengths, and every single time they are read in group my eyes begin to fill. Each strength is read "I am worth it", and every woman in the room says "yes you are",
"I am beautiful",
"yes you are",
"My kids deserve their mom"
"yes they do"
and so on......

I judge my relationships based on the level of honesty, real "ness", and the ability to be okay in your imperfections. If you are struggling to understand me, share it with me, and lets brainstorm a way to move forward. The effort to grow a relationship with all its blatantly apparent flaws means the most to me. Being in a treatment center day in a day out is almost refreshing in a way. I wish I had the ability to instill the confidence in others to be okay in their imperfections, but I don't. That is soley your own "stuff", "stuff" I'm working on myself. I am by no means perfect, but I recently came upon this poem, and it seems to echo all the things I wish we as humans could show.

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dreams
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your
fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.

If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand on the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes."

It doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after a night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.