{ self care }

I love my job.
I love it soo much that somedays I do what they tell you not to do.
I take the damn job home with me.

I come home feeling so heavy with worry for the woman that I can't process any other piece of my life. I called my mom almost in tears last week after we processed the 5th relapse we've had in the past 2 weeks. Somedays I feel completely helpless. The disease of addiction is real, it is powerful, and it has satan written all over it.

It is on days when the tears can't seem to stop, and these woman won't leave my mind that I find myself on my knees begging my Heavenly Father to let them feel his love. I beg him to be there when they are triggered and to help them through those thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. I pray for them, I cry for them, and then I give it to God. I always feel lighter after I submit and acknowledge his will for each of them. They never leave my mind, but the need to "save" them is eliminated, and I'm able to take care of myself and my own life struggles. I thank my education at BYU for teaching me this self care ritual.

In life in general learning how to have self care will change you in every way. Care about you so you can be an instrument in the lives of those around you. That is my shpill for the night.